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All adverts must be filled with lies, says Watchdog

As ever, the Daily Mash nails yesterday’s story with perfect precision…

ALL advertising must be filled with blatant, insulting lies from start to finish, the industry watchdog has ruled.


Take Volcano Water’s 14-day I’ll-Believe-Any-Old- Shit-You-Tell-Me Challenge

The Advertising Standards Authority clarified the regulations last night after banning a beer advert which was obviously true.

The ASA said the advert for Courage beer was unacceptable because it implied that drinking alcohol could enhance self-confidence in a way that anyone who has ever drunk alcohol is completely aware of.

The advert shows a chunky woman squeezed into a tight dress, asking her husband how she looks. The man is shown reaching for a pint of beer, accompanied by the slogan, ‘Take Courage and tell your wife she’s a big fat cow’.

The ASA said its latest ruling was in accordance with its remit to ensure that all British advertising can be safely viewed by two year-olds.

A spokesman added: “Brands should at all times avoid the honest depiction of realistic situations and instead follow the excellent example of yoghurt or mineral water ads that make sufficiently vague claims about health-giving properties that are impossible to disprove.

“If companies want to avoid really aggressive lies they could copy the latest Persil advert which tells you nothing about the effectiveness of the product but does imply that if you do not use it you should have your children taken away from you by social services before they die of a dirty shirt.”

Roy Hobbs, a consumer from Hatfield, said: “My wife is extremely large but also surprisingly fast, so I reckon I’d need at least six pints.”




Perhaps the underlying implication is the fact that “Dutch courage” needs to be recognized for the racist statement that it is!

Laurent Mousson

Excellent. It’s exceedingly rare to see/read/hear admen admit out in the open that their industry is based on lies.


Alan, not quite – the phrase comes form a time when the English used to drink a lot of jenever – gin – form Holland. It was given out to the troops before battle to steel their resolve – hence Dutch courage.

And Laurent – glad you like the piece, but you do realise Daily Mash is a satirical site and this story is a joke? Just nicked it and stuck it here cos it made me laugh.


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